Sorry guys, but a Charlie Sheen-less “Two and a Half Men” is in danger of losing me. I know, I know, writers are slogging away as we speak, and throwing in everything from an old lady (Holland Taylor) having rough sex (oh the horror!) to an ex-wife (Judy Greer) who doesn’t want hubby back and tries to electrocute him when he climbs her fence (yuk yuk).
After Charlie Sheen got canned, Ashton Kutcher was brought in to play Walden Schmidt, a clueless billionaire who wants to get his estranged wife back. And who is Ashton in real life? A nice guy, a married guy, and for me that persona dribbles into his portrayal of Walden. Demi Moore, what have you done?
A seriously nice guy who is happier married than single? That’s never what the show was about. For this to work, we need Walden to be more like Charlie Harper—a guy who couldn’t care less what some chick thinks; hand him a beer and stop asking the hard stuff like what her name was.
With Walden, we have a sensitive, childlike guy who is mourning the loss of his wife and wishes to dear God that he could get her back…didn’t we already see some of this with Charlie’s brother Alan (Jon Cryer)? Alan constantly reminds us that we did when, for instance, he advises Walden that criminal trespassing will lead to an ex-wife dating the cop who shows up. It’s not fun or funny this time around—not without brother Charlie to nudge Alan into forgetting the self-pity for one freaking minute.
Conchata Ferrell as Berta doesn’t have an easy time of it either as the writers have decided that she’s now a live-in housekeeper who’s both attracted to sexy young Walden and feeling motherly toward him. How do I know this? Berta talks to herself in her head so we can know what she’s thinking.
Don’t worry, I’m not going there—you thought I would say “bring Charlie Sheen back.” No no. But I am talking to myself in my head about it.