Aug 15
“Hairy chests destroy our power. And I went poo-poo in the egg salad. Nnn. Oh Mary. Oh my grosh. Oh wait. That’s not what I wanted to say. Cancer.” –‘Newt Gingrich’

Wipe my mound, wipe my mound, wipe my mound
Oh, Newt! You are one funny ass-clown.
Aug 14

Ding-dong, your career is dead
“It is highly unusual for Hollywood studios to drop stars of franchises between the first and second installments,” sources state.
Perhaps “Vivid” will cast Stewart in Snow Black and The Well Hung Midgets?
Awww.
Maybe Universal‘s decision to sever all ties with you will turn out to be a “momentary indiscretion.”

Melted ice cream is Jon’s secret weapon for getting no information
“Now we’re just a couple of gals talking,” Stewart said. “All right…Tell me everything.”
Aug 14

Super-freak
Look beyond the “hotness” of Paul Ryan and you’ll see a true creep, and an extreme religious zealot.
“Remember the “Let Women Die” act that passed the House last fall? The law that would have allowed hospitals to refuse, on moral grounds, to provide abortions to women even if they were at risk of imminent death? Ryan was a big fan of that. And, as Anna pointed out this weekend, in a pro-life essay Ryan penned, he doesn’t mention the word “mother” or “woman” once.” –Erin Gloria Ryan
Check out “9 Depressingly Kooky Facts About Paul Ryan” — a thoughtful piece by Jezebel‘s Erin Gloria Ryan.
Aug 9
Lawyers for James Holmes just stated in open court that they believe their client suffers from a “mental illness” and they need more time to figure out what’s wrong with him before entering a plea.
Aug 8

Kristen ‘I wear Christmas sweaters during the Summer’ Stewart
Not only does Kristen Stewart come across as having less charm than a cashier at Walmart, but at the time of this interview, she was “doing sex” with her icky, married director for months on end — and then dubbed it a “momentary indiscretion.”
No wonder Robert Pattinson kicked her to the curb!
Jul 31
CNN’s Drew Griffin explains why the Senate Finance Committee is investigating DVNF and evaluating its tax-exempt status. He and Anderson Cooper respond to accusations made by the group on Twitter and their website.
Jul 26
When I was a kid, I knew a boy named Denver. He was an inveterate liar. He would say things like: “See my grandpa’s pickup over there? In the back it’s filled with cases of Coke and Pepsi.”
And you’d go over and look in the bed of the pickup and it was perfectly empty.
Denver didn’t care. He would just go on, blithely, with his next tall tale. He was oblivious to the idea that he’d become a sad joke.
If I didn’t know better, I’d swear Denver grew up to be Willard Mitt Romney, the presumptive Republican nominee for president.
Yesterday on NBC, Romney—rejecting calls for stronger gun laws in the wake of the Aurora, Colorado theater shooting—said of suspect James Holmes: “This person shouldn’t have had any kind of weapons and bombs and other devices and it was illegal for him to have many of those things already. But he had them. And so we can sometimes hope that just changing the law will make all bad things go away. It won’t.”
According to Kasie Hunt of the Associated Press, it may have been illegal for Holmes to have built the explosives with which he booby-trapped his apartment. But it’s not known whether he obtained the component parts/ingredients of these devices illegally. More important: All of the firearms that Homes purchased for the cinema shooting that killed 12 people and wounded dozens more were obtained legally.
Romney conveniently ignored that key point altogether.
To call Romney “disingenuous” would be kind. He may not have lied outright here, but he evades the whole truth. He commits a lie by omission. And he does it in the face of common knowledge. Anyone who has at all followed the Aurora story knows that Holmes obtained his deadly firearms legally. (We don’t even have to walk over to see whether there’s any soda pop in the back of the pickup.)
The new episode is reminiscent of the Romney campaign’s obvious distortion of Barack Obama’s “didn’t build that” statement. Romney doesn’t seem to fret that he exaggerates or slants the truth in egregious fashion. It almost seems as though he’s unaware he’s doing it. To put it crudely, at times he just seems to make shit up as he goes along. He knows that his hard-core constituency will nod at what he says (and repeat it) without question. And he seems to figure the media will just give him a pass and not press him or call him out on it. Which is often, it seems, the case.
By the way, as for Romney’s contention that changing laws won’t “make all bad things go away”: In 2007, Romney called for laws that would put filters on all computers in order to strain out pornographic content. He seemed to think then that it was OK to legislate in order to try to curb “bad” things.
Why is it OK to use governmental regulation to ban pictures of human genitalia but not OK to let the government try harder to curb super-phallic assault weapons that can leave a movie theater roiling with human blood?
Riddle me that, Denver.
Jul 25

The Jackson family
The plot thickens. Katherine Jackson told ABC News in an interview airing tonight that the reason she hasn’t checked in with her grandkids for the past 10 days is because she simply “didn’t feel like using the phone.”
And if you believe that, I have a bridge I’d like to sell you in Brooklyn.
“There are rumors going around about me that I have been kidnapped,” Jackson said … adding, “I am here today to let everybody know that I am good and fine. I am devastated that while I’ve been away, my grandchildren have been taken away from me, and I’m coming home,” she told ABC News.
Leave Michael’s kids alone, Janet, et al.
–Battery investigation under way amid Jackson family feud.
–Video shows Janet Jackson, Paris Jackson getting into a physical altercation.
–Katherine Jackson’s lawyer says she’s being ambushed.
Katherine is clearly not fit, mentally. Either that or she’s being used as a pawn in a wicked money game.
It’s no wonder Michael took to propofol. Who would want to be awake to deal with these train wrecks?
Tito Jackson‘s 34-year-old son TJ Jackson was granted temporary guardianship during an emergency hearing that followed just hours after what he called a “strange” call from the matriarch Tuesday night.
Sources say the reason Katherine Jackson was speaking so cryptically may have been because she was trying to send a message for help via some sort of secret code.
Jul 25
“The goal is simple: Let’s affirm a business that operates on Christian principles and whose executives are willing to take a stand for the Godly values we espouse by simply showing up and eating at Chick Fil-A on Wednesday, August 1, Mike Huckabee wrote on his Web site.”

Squirrel. The other grey meat
It seems Mike Huckabee has given up the super high-class dish of fried squirrel in exchange for right-wing cuisine at fast-food chain, Chick-fil-A.
Look, you backwoods chump. When I dine at a restaurant, I don’t want extreme fundamentalist views as a side dish. I just want to eat. In peace.
But the hillbilly is having none of it.
“Too often, those on the left make corporate statements to show support for same sex-marriage, abortion, or profanity, but if Christians affirm traditional values, we’re considered homophobic, fundamentalists, hate-mongers, and intolerant.”
Just a hunch, but I’d bet Huckabee would have gleefully dined at the segregated Woolworth’s Lunch Counter because black patrons were simply too unsavory to sit next to.
There’s no difference in what’s happening here.
“You can’t have a business in the city of Boston that discriminates against a population,” Boston Mayor Thomas Menino said, according to the Herald. “We’re an open city, we’re a city that’s at the forefront of inclusion.”
And on Friday, the Jim Henson Company, the group behind “The Muppets” and “Fraggle Rock,” released a statement saying it has “notified Chick-fil-A that we do not wish to partner with them on any future endeavors.” Jim Henson’s “Creature Shop” toys are currently available in the company’s kid’s meals.
By now, most Americans consider Mike Huckabee to be an out-of-touch imbecile.
After this recent indicdent, need we say more?
Finally, who would eat at a resturatnt entitled “Chick-fil-A.” It conjures up images of unappetizing poultry, possibly laced with salmonella. Don’t freak, Chick-fil-A — it’s simply my opinion and is not based in fact. OK?
I mean, seriously. Who thought of that name?
Jul 24

James ‘Eagan’ Holmes
“He had demonic eyes. There’s something crazy about him. “He sat there so calm. So remorseless.”